- I have no idea where Keon Clark is, specifically, but the answer is probably jail.

- Milone Clark averages 4.8 points and 3.4 rebounds for the Sioux Falls Skyforce. I openly admit to knowing basically nothing about Milone Clark, but, as a player who has never put up good numbers at any stage of his career (he even only scored 15ppg in the Ecuadorian league) yet who somehow landed a training camp spot with the Knicks in 2006......well, Milone Clark is either a very good defensive guard, or Isiah Thomas was knocking him off too. In which case, Milone, you'd better sue. You'll make a mint.

- Mateen Cleaves is also in the D-League, where he averages 13.2 points and 8.2 assists for the Bakersfield Jam. (Also note - the jumpshot is still broken.) The 8.2 assists is good for second in the league, behind only Walker Russell, who is way out in front with 11.1 apg. But only six players in the entire D-League average over 7 apg, which is somewhat unremarkable in a league with an unsubtle emphasis on pushing the ball and stat padding. Then again, maybe they're all too busy shooting.

- Keith Closs is still an amusing sideshow. Closs spent last year in the D-League with the Tulsa 66ers, where he admitted to his alcoholism and posted a season featuring nearly as many blocks per game (2.8) as rebounds (4.7), yet this seaspn he left the D-League to go to China. Signing with the Yunnan Honghe Running Bulls, Closs averaged 14.2 points, 9.9 rebounds and 4.5 blocks in the Chinese league, which frequently boasts amusingly lopsided statistics (speaking of, if and when we get to the letter W, have a look at Bonzi Wells's scoring average), but left the team for reasons unbeknownst to me. Closs then had a trial with another Chinese team, the Liaoning Panpan Hunters, but left earlier this month and is currently unsigned. Somewhere in amongst all that, Closs managed to apply for Phillipino citizenship, for reasons that are also unbeknownst to me. And Slam Magazine also carried this story about him, which, like most Keith Closs stories, is kind of fun. While we're on the subject of fun Keith Closs moments, here is Keith Closs blocking two shots in what looks dangerously like a high school game, and flexing afterwards:



And here's the old classic of him being beaten up:



Ladies and gentleman, Mr Keith Closs.


- Coleman Collins is also in the D-League, averaging 12.4 points and 6.4 rebounds on a disappointing 43% shooting for the Fort Wayne Mad Ants.

- Will Conroy leads the D-League in scoring, with a 25.0 points per game average for the Albuquerque Thunderbirds, and he is also tied for third in assists at 7.6 apg. The little git also averages a handy 4.4 rebounds, and fills up the stat sheet further with 2.6 steals per game. However, rather than being instantly deemed the next Chris Paul, Conroy's averages need some kind of context - he puts up these numbers in a numbers heavy league, while averaging a whopping 44.9 minutes a game. Conroy also leads the league in turnovers with 4.5 a game, leading to an assist/turnover ratio of a mediocre 1.7:1, and while he shoots a huge number of free throws (169 FTA to 283 FGA), he hits them at only 70%. Nevertheless, Conroy is behind only Eddie Gill in the Order In Which D-League Point Guards Are To Be Called Up To The NBA (note: such a list does not really exist), and if the Lakers sign Gill - as they are threatening to do - then things are looking good for Conroy when Phoenix need another mandatory 13th man.

- Montenegran legend Omar Cook averages 5.2 points, 1.8 steals and 4.9 assists for Unicaja Malaga in Spain. That might not seem like much - and the points certainly aren't - but it comes in only 22 minutes per game, in a country where assists are far harder to come by. That 4.9 assists is good for third in the Spanish league, and Cook's averages in the Euroleague - 5.0ppg, 5.1 apg - had him tied for the tournament lead in assists there, too. So there's some more context for you.

- Ryvon Covile is in France, playing for Orleans (not New Orleans, but the old one). Covile averages 10.8 points and 6.8 rebounds while still boasting the greatest name in the Western world.

- Chris Crawford has now been out of basketball for about 5 years, and yet I still feel morally obligated to tell you that he's not playing every year. Since the last time I told you this, only one new shred of information has come to light, that being this quote from his Wikipedia page:

During the summers they [Crawford and his brother] often golf at Milham Park Golf Course in their hometown of Kalamazoo, MI.

That's fun, clearly. But it's time for a new rule - no more Chris Crawford updates on this website. Not unless there's ever anything to actually report, like if he commits a murder or becomes King of Poland or something.


- Joe Crawford didn't make the Lakers's regular season roster out of training camp, but the Lakers own their own D-League affiliate, the Los Angeles D-Fenders. As a result, Crawford was immediately allocated there upon signing with the D-League, where he currently averages 20.9 points, 4.8 rebounds and 3.2 assists. Note to all NBA teams out there - if you want to keep lots of your training camp signings and former players, buy your own D-League affilate and wait for the allocations to come pouring in. It seems to work wonders. Crawford can technically sign a contract with any NBA team (and even turn down the Lakers if he so chose), but if the San Antonio Spurs and the Austin Toros slightly illicit partnership is anything to go on.....he won't.

- Austin Croshere signed with the Indiana Pacers, lost out to the guaranteed contract of Stephen Graham (who looks to have finally found a steady spot in the NBA), was claimed off of waivers by the Milwaukee Bucks, hit a few three pointers, and was waived last week to avoid the contract guarantee date. However, if my understanding of prorating the salaries of league-reimbursed veterans is correct - and it probably isn't - then waiving Croshere saves the Bucks only about $300,000, and his part season of insignifcance cost them almost double that. So was it really worth waiving him? Don't know. It depends on if I'm right, I guess. The lesson, as always: I'm probably not right.

- T.J. Cummings came to The Arse early in the year, but then pulled out. I really enjoyed writing that sentence.